What I want.

Writing always makes me feel happy and worthful . Writing stories lights up my world like nothing else does. Being an introvert I have always loved exploring the world and reflecting that on a paper. I have dreamt of becoming famous as an author or working in a newspaper agency as a writer or an editor or doing a job in a company where I would contribute my ideas for advertisements.

But then, I think life has something else planned for me. The moment you score good marks or marks that are ‘not bad’, you are obligated to do what others think.This is what that changes everything.

Being a student of Arts, I often become prey to the question, “When are you planning to write the civil service examination?”. Even when my parents are ready to let me follow my desires, there are some who are eagerly waiting for the day I crack India’s most prestigious exam. However, they don’t realize that, that is not what I want.

Why does this happen?

This is not novel. Even my almost forty five year old teacher said about her experience as to how she had to try hard not to be pushed by others. I have to say her experience was quite bitter. With her high marks she was often stamped as a future IAS officer. While she wanted to pursue higher studies in history, she had to face a lot of harsh comments and rejections. Yet she managed to reach her goal. She stood strong and followed her dream. She is a determined lady. I am afraid I can’t do it.

What kind of pleasure do they get from simply pushing a young soul to do what it never wants? Do they need to see us suffer? Do they need to see how we go mad and then give up everything as we lose our will to live?

Most of the people see money equal to social status. The higher your salary is, the higher will be the respect you get from the society. If you are an officer, you get good treatment from others . If you are a clerk you are not heeded by anyone. Even India’s most used rule, ‘Atithi Devo bhava’ gets influenced by this prejudicial mentality. Forever, equality is at stake.

Especially for a girl, it is very hard. She ought to achieve everything that others want within a limited time. Otherwise she will be forced to marry a man who will see her as a burden as she has no job. What about her dreams? Won’t she, like any other person be having a passion for designing, the strong desire to lead a group of people, a wish to become an artist, an urge to make the world know about her creative stories through her writings? The list goes on…Women are helpless and many such dreams go buried deep under her married life.

So a girl like me is not even given enough time to realise her dream and pursue it. I am afraid that by the time I fulfill others’ dreams I will run out of time and be forced to live a life that I never wanted. I am afraid that my desire to be a writer will never be achieved.

What it leads to?

The rate of suicides in India is not that bad. A good portion of it belongs to the young generation who have given up on their lives due to the immense pressure they had from their parents, relatives, teachers and even neighbours. They are constantly asked about their future , sent to coaching centres, where their parents spend a huge chunk of money and if they end up reaching nowhere, they feel worthless that they think giving up life is the better choice than going through any more of this.

Each person has their own passion, talents and dreams. Everyone can’t be the same. Speaking might be ones’s strength while writing might be another’s. One can remember so many things while another can come up with pun quotes. Suffocating a person by giving him or her unbearable burden will only ruin lives.

Now , I doubt whether gaining excellent marks in 10th and 12th was a good thing for me because if I had never caught anyone’s attention through these marks I might have had the space to follow my dreams and become what I want one day.

18 thoughts on “What I want.

  1. It will never get any easier.

    People will never understand better.

    The pursuit of letters is lonely and probably seems equal parts obsessive and trivial to the casual observer.

    Plus the rewards of a finely-tuned sentence, paragraph or story – unlike high GPAs or gigantic packages – are personal.
    Both for writer and reader.

    That being said, have you noticed the high demand for genre fiction? Or for genre fiction subcategorized to a particular occupation?

    Your legal thrillers and medical dramas and engg romances?

    People want to read stories written well enough to seem like their own. People want more meaning from life.
    More engagement.

    They need you to tell a story they can feel was theirs all along.

    And if you can save your spark somewhere deeper – if you can hold on to it until you gather kindling and gasoline – you will set the world on fire.

    Yes, you, stranger.

    Not the hypothetical hundreds who don’t know there’s a pen in your back pocket. Not the millions who will grip your books with pale knuckles until finished.


    You can then come back to this existential crisis and retroactively chalk it up to nerves and have a good laugh.

    Don’t give up, okay?

    The world is full of self-aggrandizing douchebags who call themselves writers but know nothing but the pose.

    It needs you.
    It needs you like it needs a Zippo.
    Or a kick to the solar plexus.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so glad that you took your time to read and write such encouraging words. Thank you for visiting my blog and commenting😊. I will keep this in my mind always. Thank you.


  2. Just follow your heart as writing liberates the soul. Introverts are hidden gems and have a lot within. One need not be famously recognised for their writing but as we move on diving into the passion the more polished we emerge. With times readers would get connected and appreciate the thoughts. Even one reader for our article would be justice to our thoughts, so all the best. I play my part of being that one reader to the many writers out here to the best extent with my limited time. Am sure your pen will bring out the best too. Each one of us have an identity that our mirror shows us. Lets live our life like the way we want it to 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sensitive piece of writing. You opened your heart here. Societal norms can be sometime smothering, but we humans have developed this system over the years. Parents can’t be blamed for all of these, because they are also part of the society and the have learnt and accepted the things evolved over the years. Views can be different if we will place our-self in different positions, isn’t it?
    Perspective from parenting side may be different from that of children side. But non the less, I believe parents should give freedom to chose their children career, because ultimately they have to lead their life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. True, they are also a part of the society and they have their own obligations towards their children that they have to fulfill within a specific period of time.
      Anyhow, my parents as I have said here, are willing to let me go behind my passion but there is a coterie of people who constantly tries to push people like me over the edge with their desires. It is difficult to convince them.

      Thank you for the comment and liking the post Abhay.😊


      1. This is exactly what my family asks me at times. You can’t convince them all , yet I feel a little sad thinking about their expectations of me and how I might disappoint them if I completely disregard them. It is difficult.


        Liked by 1 person

  4. Your writing is flawless and I had exactly same thoughts when I was under pressure–why did I become a topper in the first place and I kept a low profile in college. The insight that scoring good marks makes you a slave of doing it again and again can be extended to all pleasure seeking behavior: money/status–even being recognized as an independent artist–please bear with me–for a moment suppose I call you “the greatest author ever lived” and suppose you’re really so–isn’t it fleeting–temporary and hollow? It would still feel empty unless you find core of your heart. No achievements ever give lasting satisfaction and you become a slave to whatever gives you pleasure(just like the good marks syndrome you so eloquently put before!

    Your blog’s rich theme makes me feel great writing here! I might copy it someday ;P

    There is a minor typo in the article: it should be ‘atithi’ instead of ‘adithi’ for guest.

    Yours truly,

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You know… There can always be truth in what they all say… I know this by now. I think I would’ve been happier if I followed them and not my own path. It’s binding, but secure. At least, I wouldn’t be as miserable as I am to-day…

    Liked by 1 person

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